No i'm not some anti-men feminist who has been so scarred, abused and confused by men that i've lost all hope and is jaded beyond measure. I've actually enjoyed the few relationships i've had (sans a very scary incident when I was younger with a stalker, but i'll leave that alone...lol).
The point of my declaration is simple - Single is good. Some would say "good for you, but who cares?".....I know I know i'm not trying to convince myself or anyone that it's good, it's just that lately i've been getting that look from my fam and friends when I say i'm not on the market, but i'm single. Almost like i've gotten it wrong, with their facial expressions saying "hmmm....you know u ain't getting no younger gurl!!"
I just can't be assed to deal with any kind of wahala right now. I have always been like this - i get into extreme moods. I can't bloody explain it, it's just the way it is.
Here's my Declaration:
So i've been single for a minute and I have to say i'm getting too used to this. I can't even remember what it feels like to really love somebody else? Since my one true love and I called it quits i've been coasting (2 plus years and counting). Before you think it - no i'm not still in love with him. Not that it's a prize or badge of honour, but I ended our relationship. Yes he did beg and plead, but i'd had enough. I couldn't go back - I just wasn't happy anymore. Yeah there was a rebound or two, but that's exactly what they were.
There was only one person after true love I could have seen something with, but there was still something missing. Or maybe it was me missing something? I still have to keep my eye on him - I like to call him Mr. L. He had a way about him though....I digress....lol!!
I won't say i'm melancholy or jaded about the whole relationship thing - that's not my M.O. at all. I still get emotional when I hear a really sloppy love story or two, but I am convinced there is a time and a place for everything.
Mine is not now - not here, not today and not yet. My friend told me the other day "you are just so chilled it's scary. Isn't there anyone that can ruffle your feathers just a little?" Truth be told there alot of men that can ruffle my feathers, but that's all it'll be. A good night, week or two and i'm bored or irritated or not wanting to deal with their stress. Better put, I like to call it preemptive strike, because I don't even let it get to the point where there's stress.
Oh I'm just a big ol' confused child. I know it's not ideal to be so far off the center, but for now this is where i'm at. I know most importantly that my status is my choice. It's me finding comfort in my own skin and being alright with nights alone watching a good movie. It's not pathetic and it's not lonely. Don't get me wrong it has its moments, but like all things they come and they go. I really see this as a chance to just be - that way if and when the GREAT HE comes along i'll know it's because I love him and not the idea of him.