Monday, December 18, 2006

Maiden Voyage

I am a "virgin" to the blog world. Yup! I have been deflowered. Wasn't as painful as I thought. However, it is a scary and very exciting community to join. There's something for everyone in here. You have bloggers that obviously excelled in Literature and English class; and you have some who really ought to take an extra class or two. Don't know which category I fall under yet. It's certainly easier to judge when you're looking in from the outside in. I hope the lowest grade you will give me is a "B or B-".

Regardless of people's writing style the thing that amazes me the most is a blogger's ability to be open and let what's in your mind pour out. When I was younger, I could write and write for days - spilling and gushing thoughts all over the place. The older i've gotten i've become very conservative and protective of the emotions I let go.

Granted i've never been a very open person, but I was always able to understand and account for everything I was feeling. I am hoping through this process, I can find my inner voice again. The same voice that allowed me to write Santa Claus when I was seven telling him how good I was and how horrible my older sis was. The same voice that allowed me to write songs no musician will ever sing; and the same voice that let me write poems to a lover I have never met.
Believe me i'm not as cheesy anymore. I know better than fantasizing about love I haven't experienced. Now I fantasize about sex I haven't experienced - Yes yes, I watch too much porn. I'm single, what's a girl to do?

So this is my Maiden Voyage. Today is a good day because I haven't stopped once to spell check. I usually look for any excuse not to finish typing a thought - it's been 2 years since I stopped writing. Thinking about it; it was 2 years ago I went through the worst time of my young life. I am hoping I have the courage to figure it out. Here's what I wonder - Is my emotional withdrawal as a result of getting older and knowing better, or a result of serious trauma and not just wanting to deal with? Whatever the case, today I am letting whatever it is that is moving me do it's damn thing.

Tomorrow, the doubts and conflict can return. No no no...this is not some dark journey I am on. I just realized sometimes you need to take stock. It is not entirely about sorting through the piles of emotional rubbish - i'm simply not that self centered. It's about exploring and gisting about the good, the bad and the ugly. Like most i've been through some shit, but I won't dare to think i've been through the worst in the grand scheme of things. I do realize there are wars being fought, people starving, people dying etc. My point is I know there are more f**ked up people than me. Or should I let you be the judge of that?!!! Hehehehehe.

8 comments:

Belle said...

Hmmm i can tell you are going to take us on one heck of a ride! Hope your experience from 2 yrs ago wasn't too traumatic..
And yes, you DO write well...

Hope you read more from you!

Maiden Voyage said...

@Belle: Thanks!! The thing with me is lack of consistency. I'm on today, off tomorrow. I overthink everything I write which as u probably know takes the fun out of it. I'm learning.

2 years have passed, and i'm certainly a better person as a result. I hope I am able to release just as well as you have.

overwhelmed said...

Oh fantastic.. I just love this... I can't believe Bele was the first commenter but no problem.. I forgive her.. welcome to blogsville babe... you're gonna luvvvv it! you write amazingly well... sad you stopped writing for 2 years but i won't pretend not to understand.. I have spells of time when I leave everything in my head cos it's too painful to contemplate.. to painful to write.. here's to your journey on blogspot.. exploring, learning, writing, reading... it's gonna be a blast I can tell you that much. Blogger is acting stink.. so this is overwhelmednaijababe.blogspot.com just so you know!

Maiden Voyage said...

@Overwhelmed: Thanks hon for checking out the little spot I have carved out.I really really enjoyed your blog. Belle was kind enough to leave a comment, and so have you. Thanks and I definitely look forward to reading more and more from you. Cheers xxx

Nilla said...

@ Maiden Voyage

Welcome to blogsburg girl!!!

Maiden Voyage said...

Thanks Nilla. Glad to officially be a blogger. Hope I can keep up with the rest of you.

confusednaijagirl said...

welcome. it seems we both got deflowered at the same time. i like your blog, i will definetely be dropping by later.

Calabar Gal said...

Welcome to Blogville. Hope you have fun and enjoy ur voyage.