I am a "virgin" to the blog world. Yup! I have been deflowered. Wasn't as painful as I thought. However, it is a scary and very exciting community to join. There's something for everyone in here. You have bloggers that obviously excelled in Literature and English class; and you have some who really ought to take an extra class or two. Don't know which category I fall under yet. It's certainly easier to judge when you're looking in from the outside in. I hope the lowest grade you will give me is a "B or B-".
Regardless of people's writing style the thing that amazes me the most is a blogger's ability to be open and let what's in your mind pour out. When I was younger, I could write and write for days - spilling and gushing thoughts all over the place. The older i've gotten i've become very conservative and protective of the emotions I let go.
Granted i've never been a very open person, but I was always able to understand and account for everything I was feeling. I am hoping through this process, I can find my inner voice again. The same voice that allowed me to write Santa Claus when I was seven telling him how good I was and how horrible my older sis was. The same voice that allowed me to write songs no musician will ever sing; and the same voice that let me write poems to a lover I have never met.
Believe me i'm not as cheesy anymore. I know better than fantasizing about love I haven't experienced. Now I fantasize about sex I haven't experienced - Yes yes, I watch too much porn. I'm single, what's a girl to do?
So this is my Maiden Voyage. Today is a good day because I haven't stopped once to spell check. I usually look for any excuse not to finish typing a thought - it's been 2 years since I stopped writing. Thinking about it; it was 2 years ago I went through the worst time of my young life. I am hoping I have the courage to figure it out. Here's what I wonder - Is my emotional withdrawal as a result of getting older and knowing better, or a result of serious trauma and not just wanting to deal with? Whatever the case, today I am letting whatever it is that is moving me do it's damn thing.
Tomorrow, the doubts and conflict can return. No no no...this is not some dark journey I am on. I just realized sometimes you need to take stock. It is not entirely about sorting through the piles of emotional rubbish - i'm simply not that self centered. It's about exploring and gisting about the good, the bad and the ugly. Like most i've been through some shit, but I won't dare to think i've been through the worst in the grand scheme of things. I do realize there are wars being fought, people starving, people dying etc. My point is I know there are more f**ked up people than me. Or should I let you be the judge of that?!!! Hehehehehe.